


Hold On To Me

by insertwittyname



Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: M/M, Trans Otabek, Trans Yuri Plisetsky, bc otabek uses testosterone, mention of needles, mention of transphobia, otabek is a goofball you can pry that from my cold dead hands, otabek is high af from the painkillers, top surgery
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-04-20
Updated: 2017-04-27
Packaged: 2018-10-21 05:57:27
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 1,413
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10679115
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/insertwittyname/pseuds/insertwittyname
Summary: Yuri is a trans guy who wants to start transitioning. Otabek is a supportive trans masculine partner who is there every step of the way. It's not all smooth-sailing, but nothing worth doing is ever easy.





	1. Does It Hurt?

**Author's Note:**

> The beginning takes place about a year and a half after the first season, and Otabek and Yuri have been officially dating for a year by now. Also, Otabek to clarify is agender, not a trans guy (this is important to me okay).
> 
> Enjoy!

“What’s it like?”

“What?” Otabek looked up at Yuri curiously, his head resting in the Russian man’s lap.

“Testosterone. I’ve been thinking of starting, but I want to know what to expect.”

Otabek nodded a little and thought for a couple moments. He’d been on testosterone for a couple years now, so long that it was getting hard to remember what it was like not being on it, “At first you notice everything, because it’s new. Although, nothing really changes for a couple months besides your voice. It’s all so subtle and seems to happen really slowly, but when you compare pictures from before and after, it’s like a whole new person.” He’d started smiling by the end as he recounted it all.

Yuri smiled softly as well, pausing for a moment, “Does it hurt? The shots?”

Otabek chuckled softly and shook his head a little, “No, at least not for me.”

“That’s saying something, since you were in tears when you hurt your shoulder lifting me in practice a few weeks ago.” Yuri smirked and tugged softly at a piece of Otabek’s hair.

“I could’ve dislocated it, Yura.” Otabek rolled his eyes and sat up, “And it’s still sore, thanks for asking.”

Yuri laughed and cooed teasingly to him, “Aw, poor baby. Want me to kiss it better?”

Otabek shrugged a little, not fazed by it, “If you’re offering.”

The Russian’s smile dropped a little as he sat back and picked up his phone to look disinterested, “You don’t need it, you stab yourself with a needle full of hormones every week, you can handle a mildly sprained shoulder.”

Otabek frowned a little, then fell back dramatically, clutching his shoulder and hissing in (fake) pain, “I don’t think I’ll make it without a kiss, Yura.” He looked up, eyes wide, “I…I think I see a light.”

“And people think I’m dramatic.” Yuri rolled his eyes and kept scrolling through Instagram, hesitating before liking a picture Viktor had posted of himself and Yuuri visiting Chris.

Otabek frowned a little and nudged the blonde with his knee, looking at him in pain when he glanced up from his phone, “I need a kiss from my prince charming if I’m to survive this.”

Yuri sighed and leaned over, giving the man’s shoulder a quick peck, “There. You got your kiss.”

“A real kiss, Yura.”

“Dramatic and needy.” Yuri mumbled as he leaned over and kissed him again. Otabek smiled and sat up, pulling the slightly smaller man into his arms.

“My hero.” He kissed Yuri’s head.

“Shut up, Beka.”

“I love you, too.”


	2. How Does It Feel?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I already added it in the tags, but there is brief transphobia. It's nothing bad, just a comment of Yuri's social media, but it's still there. I've added a short summary of the chapter in the notes below just in case. :)

Yuri fidgeted in the uncomfortable waiting room chair. Why did it have to be so hot in there? And how did Otabek still have his jacket on? He’s usually the one who’s hot all the time, he’d normally be sweating by now. Maybe he’s too focused on the book he’s reading on his phone to notice. Yuri picked up his phone and tried to ease his mind by scrolling through his Twitter for what seemed like the thousandth time, but of course there was nothing new. He sighed and looked at Otabek and whispered, “Why is it taking so long? There can’t be that many people getting t here.”

Otabek chuckled and glanced at him, “We’ve been here for ten minutes, Yura. Patience.”

Yuri mumbled under his breath and slouched in his chair, watching the soap opera the TV in the corner showed. It was a couple minutes before a nurse called for him, for which Yuri jumped up excitedly and yanked Otabek towards the room the nurse led them to. Otabek smiled fondly as he was pulled along, happy to see how excited Yuri was about his first ever testosterone shot.

When they entered the room, Yuri practically jumped onto the table, paper cover rustling as he fidgeted excitedly. Otabek stood in front of him on the other side of the small room, exchanging a reassuring smile with him before the nurse started teaching him how to give himself his shot. The Kazakh man took out his phone and used it to record Yuri giving himself his first shot, the look on the blonde’s face nothing but pure joy (and a bit of a wince from the needle). He looked up at Otabek as he handed the needle to the nurse, sticking his tongue out but otherwise still smiling. Once there was a band-aid on his stomach, Yuri led the way out to Otabek’s motorcycle, still smiling happily and even bouncing a little as he walked.

“Excited to officially be on testosterone, Yura? Feel any manlier?” Otabek asked, recording him to post on his Snapchat story.

Yuri looked back at him, still smiling as he put on his helmet, “Shut up, Beka.”

“I think your beard is starting to come in already.” Otabek chuckled a little and posted it, then put his own helmet on and got on. Yuri hit his back lightly, mumbling a little “asshole” as Otabek pulled out of the space and headed towards their apartment. They had only just pulled into the parking lot before Yuri was off the bike and checking his phone to see Otabek’s post. Otabek steered him inside and to their couch, knowing he wouldn’t move himself as long as he was checking his social media.

“Some asshole really had the nerve to say I’m not a real man.” Yuri scoffed as he typed out a reply, “Coming from the guy who hides behind a screen to say that shit.”

Otabek frowned and plucked the phone from Yuri’s hands, “Don’t. They want to make you mad, don’t give them that.”

“So I’m just supposed to let him insult me?” Yuri practically growled, but didn’t try to take his phone back.

“He won’t change his mind if you insult him back. It would be better to explain your transition to educate people like him.” He set the phone next to Yuri on the couch. The blonde pouted at him and reached down to pet his cat as she walked by, hating when his partner was right.

“You know, you can be a real pain in the ass sometimes.”

Otabek chuckled and kissed his forehead, “I know. Now c’mon, it’s time for lunch.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yuri is very excited as he gets his first shot of testosterone, with Otabek there to get it on video and post online for the memory. Yuri receives a transphobic comment on it, to which he wants to respond with an insult (because Yuri), but Otabek suggests he instead post an explanation of his transition to educate rather than retaliate.
> 
> Comments are very much appreciated!


	3. Can I Have Them?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is pretty centered on part of Otabek's transition, but I couldn't help myself. Because it's top surgery, he's very high on painkillers, so he's a bit ooc because of that (but fuck is he funny).

Yuri snuck into the hospital room quietly so he didn’t wake up the person still sleeping in the bed. He took a deep breath as he sat in the chair next to the bed, reaching out to hold the hand in front of him. The figure in the bed stirred slightly, opening his eyes and smiling at Yuri, “Hey, Yura…”

“Hey, Beka. How do you feel?” Yuri smiled reassuringly back and gently squeezed his hand.

“Really good.” Otabek leaned his head over a little, lowering his voice in a whisper despite the fact that they were alone in the room, “Hey, guess what.”

Yuri did his best not to chuckle a little at the lazy smile on his partner’s face, “What?”

“I don’t have tiddies anymore.”

Yuri couldn’t help but full-on laugh at that, “No you don’t. How does it feel?”

Otabek hesitated as if having to assess how it felt, “Hurts a little.”

“Well, you did just have surgery.”

“Yeah…” Otabek was quiet for a moment, then looked at him again, “Did you know they like…burn the things they remove from your body? So they just burned my tiddies.” He laughed a little, “They have my tiddie ashes.”

Yuri shook his head a little, smiling fondly, “I’m sure they do, but I don’t think they’ll keep them.”

Otabek gasped, “They can’t just throw them away!” He whispered again, “I grew them myself.”

“I think they assume that if you’re getting them removed, you don’t want them anymore.”

“But what if I wanted my tiddie ashes? Think I could ask for them?”

Yuri honestly didn’t know how to respond to that, “I…I think you should rest, Beka.”

Otabek nodded a little and laid back again, “Can you ask if they can give them to me?”

“Yeah, Beka. Of course.” Yuri smiled at Otabek and squeezed his hand. Otabek smiled back and closed his eyes, falling back to sleep within minutes. Yuri sighed a little and leaned back in the chair and picking up his phone to pass the time. When the doctor came in to make sure Otabek was okay, Yuri pointedly did not ask if Otabek could have the ashes. Some things are better left unasked and unanswered.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Funny story, my transmasculine friends and I plan on taking our "tiddie ashes" when we get top surgery and using them to plant a tree which will be our tiddie tree. That was a big inspiration for this chapter as you can see.
> 
> Anyway, please leave comments to let me know how I'm doing! Thanks y'all!

**Author's Note:**

> Timed writing for school basically killed my ability to write lengthy things, but I promise I'll make up for it with more chapters! Let me know how I'm doing in the comments if you feel so inclined.


End file.
